Horrible creature attacks in the night!

bad little cat drawing Suzanne Forbes 2016 CUWe have a bad little cat.

Morgan, our smart cat, is ravishingly sleek and pretty, and frighteningly bright. She controls our entire household. She regards its members as “Daddy” (highly valued and fun to torment), “Not-Daddy” ( a useful servant), and “The Pet Thing She Beats On and Sometimes Washes” (luckily Viviane is covered in luxuriant fluffy fur, which protects her from much of the daily abuse.)

Recently, the bad cat has developed a habit of climbing up from my lap (her sleeping place from two to five a.m.) and biting my arm in the same kind of neat, not-quite-breaking-the-skin, dainty but not pleasant bites she uses to indicate dissatisfaction with petting method. She bites in a row, little bites, until I wake up, go to throw this attacker off me, realize that it’s Morgan and she’s honoring me with her attention, and attempt to return to sleep while being bitten.bad little cat Suzanne Forbes 2016 CU

morganbitesShe also uses this method to neatly, row by row, shred boxes and documents (see picture). The things we do, and put up with, for love.

You can see D is smiling in his sleep because he’s not the one she’s bothering. “Do it to Julia Suzanne! Do it to Suzanne!”

We tolerate Morgan’s abuse because our household practices the religion of Cat Non-Disturber.

I lived for two years in a Cat Disturber household, where if a cat got on your lap right when you were going to get up you just casually removed the cat from your lap. Well, not my lap, of course, but the Disturbers’ laps. Every time I saw them do it I felt like the universe was going to crack apart and explode.

Of course, our house also practises “Cat Scooper-Upper“; one of my beloved friend-muse-patrons has a Consent-Based Cat Interaction household, where scooping a kitty up into your arms is heresy. We all choose our own way to worship; not judging anybody else’s. Just trying to get along with Herself, day to day. What’s your Cat Religion?

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About Suzanne Forbes

Suzanne Forbes is a traditionally trained figurative artist who makes documentary art of queer culture and Berlin life. She also works in mixed media. She is a former New Yorker who immigrated to Berlin with her third husband and their two cats. Her work is crowdfunded by the support of her Patrons on Patreon; you could help! In previous lives Suzanne was a graffiti artist in downtown NY, a courtroom artist for CBS and CNN, a penciller for DC Comics on Star Trek, and a live-drawing chronicler of Bay Area alternative culture.

5 thoughts on “Horrible creature attacks in the night!

  1. kleer001

    Our Sheba had a loving but distant in the last few months, but for years before that it was very much consent based with dollups of nake ape based executive function. Such as a spray bottle by the bed in cases of nocturnal noise makings. Also she was very affectionate going-to-bed (as opposed to actual sleep), often stomping on me knackers-as-pillows.

    What about your catses and human foods? We would offer up sacrafices of the occasional meats or bready noms. ‘Pancake cat’ is not a paneldrome, but it feels like it should be.

    1. Suzanne Forbes Post author

      Ha ha Morgan demands all the offerins! She must have a taste of all the humans food, if they contain dairy or butter, she must drink from all water glasses, she must sniff all the things! Oh gosh, did your Sheba go to Rainbow Bridge?

  2. Pat Ketchum

    Oh, that is a “bad” activity. Those box bites look like something from an assembly line. Maybe she could get a job ? I still practice the occasional “cat scooper upper” but it is not appreciated, never was (by my cats anyway). But then there has to be a little satisfaction in doing it anyway.

    1. Suzanne Forbes Post author

      Morgan has been known to shred documents, such as papers from the vet or the IRS, so neatly and thoroughly it was not actually necessary to put them through the shredder. I think part of the satisfaction of scooping-up is the outrage of the “scoopee”. It is the one time we actually demand they do their job of being “pets”.

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